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Joks: $1 Million in Heaven
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$1 Million in Heaven


Joe asked God, "How much is a penny worth in heaven?"

God replied, "$1 million."

Joe asked, "How long is a minute in heaven?"

God said, "One million years."

Joe asked for a penny.

God said, "Sure, in a minute."

Posted on: 12/2 11:06
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Funny Ads > Bad corporate slogans
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Bad corporate slogans
These are fabricated corporate slogans that would never have made if far if they entered the real world.

Microsoft: "How much are you going to pay today?"

MTV: "Loud and easy to spell."

Saks 5th Avenue: "You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid!"

Iguana: "The other green meat."

Nike: "Just buy the shoes, you flabby spineless lump!"

Daisy Air Rifles: "Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years."

Canon Photocopiers: "Quit calling them Xeroxes!"

Apple MacIntosh: "Hey, we thought of it first!"

Radio Shack: "You've got questions, we've got geek losers!"

Professional Bowling on NBC: "Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?"

Posted on: 2016/9/9 18:56
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Joke of the Day - Addicted to the Web
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Addicted to the Web

(Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")


Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin',

From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',

I'm happy -- although

My boss let me go --

Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, I sit clicking,

Unaware time is ticking,

There's beard on my cheek,

Same clothes for a week,

Happily addicted to the Web!




Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man!

Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"

With a listless shrug, I mutter "No, man;

I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!"

I don't phone, don't send faxes,

Don't go out, don't pay taxes,

Who cares if someday

They drag me away?

I'm happily addicted to the Web!




Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to the Weeeeeb!!! (Yeah!)

Posted on: 2016/7/2 19:43
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Polite Behavior
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The pediatric nurse entered the room, prepared to do the job of giving a shot to a little girl. Upon entering the examining room, little girl starting screaming, “NO! NO! NO!”

“Jessica,” her mother scolded her, “that is not polite behavior!”

The girl stopped briefly and then continued with her screaming, “NO THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU! NO THANK YOU!”

Posted on: 2016/4/23 18:04
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Fun at the Park
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Fun at the Park

Ordinarily, staring is creepy. But if you spread your attention across many individuals, then it's just people watching.

Posted on: 2016/3/31 20:46
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Jokes: Clever Mom
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Jokes: Clever Mom


A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, the son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,

Your son

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you DO sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you DO NOT sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…
Love,

Mom

Posted on: 2016/3/11 21:14
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Daily Joke: Surrealists & Light Bulbs
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Surrealists & Light Bulbs



Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Banana.

Posted on: 2016/2/26 22:16
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Jokes: Clever Mom
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A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between him and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, the son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

He said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

He sat down and wrote :

Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate .. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,

Your son

Several days later, he received an email from his Mother which read:

Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you DO sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you DO NOT sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under the pillow…
Love,

Mom

Posted on: 2016/2/10 15:49
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School Joks: Teacher: Whoever answers my next question ......
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Teacher:

Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window.


Teacher:

Who just threw that?


Boy:

Me and I’m going home now.


Posted on: 2016/1/25 21:52
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Marriage Joks: How is your Marriage?
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My best old friend asked me, "How do you keep your marriage so fresh?"

I said, "Well for the last 30 years we've done nothing together and we get along just fine! Why do you ask?"

He replied, "My wife has kind of the same idea."

"Oh?", I said.

"Yea a Divorce!"

Posted on: 2016/1/8 16:43
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